It's an amazing thing when you can sit down for lunch with an old friend that you haven't seen in 3 years and pick up where you left off... What a blessing it is to have friends like that. It is great and heart-wrenching at the same time. This is because it revives a friendship that I so appreciate and love, but reminds me of the fact that so many miles separate us. And this is the story of my life.
One of the hardest moments of my entire life was graduating High School. Most kids look forward to this day with great anticipation: finally being able to be on their own, the excitement of stepping into adulthood out from under their parent's jurisdiction, the ability to pursue the degree of their choice among so many other things. For me graduating from High School was very different. I went to boarding school in Germany for missionary kids, military kids, and some nationals. I moved away from home when I was 15, so the sense of independence was already there, but the thing I dreaded the most was leaving Black Forest Academy.
There was actually a point during my Senior year that I contemplated flunking one of my main classes so that I could stay an extra year. Crazy, I know. This place had become my home. A place where I was understood, where my heart came alive, where I could know and be known. It was unlike any other place I had lived at this point in my life. Kids litteraly from all over the world came together to live, study and grow while their parents worked either in missions, the military or other international careers.
I came my Freshman year of High School and spent all four years, living, learning and growing alongside these other kids, teachers, dorm parents, and residence assistants. It was the longest I had lived in one place and I was not eager to leave. I had made once in a lifetime kind of friends since coming there, and I knew that once we received our diplomas we would be scattered to the winds. That thought was unbearable.
I remember starting to grieve early. I was very aware of every "last" thing that we did together. The final weeks leading up to graduation was extremely difficult. I cried everyday. Then the dreaded day came. We put on our caps and gowns hoped against hopes that maybe we would see each again some day. Most of us knew that the promises to write and keep in touch would soon fade into good intentions and eventual memories. Our last night together was full of attempts to reconcile so many conflicting emotions. I don't think I've ever cried to hard in my entire life. We did everything we could to stay together as long as we could. We knew that once we said good bye, our lives would never be the same.
Somehow I survived that night and the following year. A great sadness came over me and I was riddled with grief and sorrow. I managed to save enough money to go back the follow year to watch the class of 1998 graduate. It was a healing experience to realize that life was different and had moved on without me, but it was still very hard to leave at the end of my time there.
To this day I hate the word good bye. If there is grief in the air, I'll be able to sense it. My heart is very sensitive to it and to those who have to walk through it. It is very difficult to explain to someone who has not experience significant loss. This pain will more than likely accompany me through the rest of my life.
Well I wasn't intending on this post to be so depressing but there it is. My heart was transported back to that place. It is a difficult reality to be faced with in a world that is highly mobile. The ones we are closest to and love dearly often don't live down the street. I cannot wait for heaven when we will all be together in one place, FOREVER!
No comments:
Post a Comment